Depression isn't sadness: what it actually feels like

People picture depression as crying in a dark room. For most of the people we hear from, it's flatness. You go to work, you answer emails, you laugh at the right moments — and you feel absolutely nothing about any of it.

The signs that get missed

It rarely announces itself. It shows up as:

• Irritability — snapping at people who don't deserve it
• Exhaustion that sleep doesn't touch
• Not enjoying the things you used to love (anhedonia)
• Everything taking three times the effort it should
• Drinking more, eating less or more, scrolling until 2am
• A quiet certainty that everyone would be fine without you

High-functioning doesn't mean fine

Plenty of people hold down a job, a family and a gym routine while feeling hollow. Because nothing has visibly collapsed, they decide they don't qualify for help. You don't have to fall apart first. The bar is 'this is affecting my life', not 'I can no longer stand up'.

What actually shifts it

Treatment works — talking therapy, medication, or both. In England, self-refer to NHS Talking Therapies; elsewhere in the UK, go via your GP. Antidepressants are not a personality transplant and taking them is not giving up; for a lot of people they lift the floor enough that the other work becomes possible.

Alongside it: behavioural activation, which is the unglamorous business of doing things before you feel like it. Motivation follows action in depression, not the other way round. Shower, walk, one text back. Small and repeated beats big and once.

If you're thinking about ending your life

You are not a burden and this is not a permanent state, even though it is currently telling you both of those things with total confidence. Please talk to someone tonight.

• Samaritans — 116 123, free, 24/7
• SHOUT — text SHOUT to 85258
• CALM — 0800 58 58 58, 5pm to midnight
• 999 or A&E if you're in immediate danger