Men · Movember & International Men's Day
Men's mental health this November: a plain guide to checking in on your mates
November is when the UK talks most about men's mental health. Here's how to turn the moustaches and hashtags into one real conversation with a mate.
Every November, men's mental health gets more airtime in the UK than at any other point in the year. Movember runs all month, and International Men's Day falls on 19 November. Timelines fill up with moustaches, fundraising pages and posts saying "it's okay to talk".
That's a good thing. But a post doesn't check on anyone. This guide is about the bit that comes after the awareness: actually asking a mate how he's doing, and knowing what to do with the answer.
Why November matters
Plenty of men find it easier to talk when there's a reason to. A month where everyone's talking about men's mental health gives you that reason. "Saw all the Movember stuff, made me think of you — how are you actually doing?" is a far easier opener than coming out of nowhere.
It's also when the clocks have gone back, the nights are long and money is tight before Christmas. For some people, that's when things get heavier. So it's a sensible time to check in, whatever the campaigns are doing.
How to check in without making it weird
You don't need training or the perfect words. A few things that tend to help:
- Pick a normal moment. A drive, a walk, the gym, a game on. Side by side is often easier than face to face.
- Ask twice. "How are you?" gets "fine". "No, how are you actually?" sometimes gets the truth.
- Listen more than you fix. You don't have to solve anything. Hearing him out is the useful part.
- Don't push for a big talk. If he doesn't want to open up today, leave the door open: "Fair enough. I'm about if that changes."
- Follow up. A text a few days later shows you meant it.
If you don't know what to say
Our Message a Mate page has short, ready-to-send messages you can copy into WhatsApp or a text. Pick one, tweak it so it sounds like you, and send it. It doesn't need to be perfect to land.
Ways to take part this November
- Message one mate you haven't heard from in a while.
- Mark International Men's Day on 19 November by checking in on someone, not just posting about it.
- Find a peer-support group. Man Down UK, a men's mental health non-profit, runs free, informal peer-support groups for men across the UK.
- Save one number you can pass on: Samaritans, 116 123, free, 24 hours a day.
- If you buy from HHSS, part of every order goes to Man Down UK: £5 per hoodie, £3 per tee, £2 per cap and £1 per sticker. The clothing won't fix anything on its own — but it can carry a message and fund those groups.
If he tells you he's not okay
Thank him for telling you, and take it seriously. Ask what would help. Encourage him to speak to his GP, or to call Samaritans on 116 123 or text SHOUT to 85258.
If you think he's in immediate danger, call 999 or stay with him and get him to A&E. You don't have to carry it on your own either — talking to someone yourself afterwards is completely fair.
After November
The moustaches come off on 1 December. The checking in doesn't have to. Treat November as the start, not the whole thing.
Sources
Need support?
If this post has brought up difficult feelings, these UK services offer free, confidential support.
Every HHSS heavyweight hoodie is £55 with £5 donated to Man Down UK, a men's mental health non-profit.